random short stories
Toad trip tears (écrite pour Zenocyne)
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Did i just lick a fucking toad? Yes, i believe i did. Oh shite, i definitely did! Why?! Why would i do that?! Was it to impress her? Of course it was. Fucking hell man, that’s pathetic! You don’t even know the lass. God, am i going to die? It actually feels like i’m dying inside. Congratulations, arsehole, you just killed yourself over some fanny you probably won’t even get...
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"So?" she asks. "Do you feel it?"
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Do i feel it? What am i supposed to feel, exactly? Death?
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"I don’t know," i reply. "I feel weird."
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Weird? You feel weird? You feel fucking sick! You feel like you’re about to puke every single organ contained in your body! That’s how you feel! Why are you lying to the slag that may have just killed you? Stop thinking with your cock, for Christ’s sake!
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"Yeah," she says. "Don’t worry, brother. It’s normal at first."
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Brother? Shite, a hippy. A fucking hippy. Now that i think about it, it was obvious. A toad licker... i should have known better.
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"But brace yourself," she adds. The Truth is coming to you."
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The truth? As if getting high brought any sort of truth. Oh God, i feel awful. My stomach is aching like crazy, and i can’t even feel my tongue anymore; it’s completely numb. Also, there is some kind of fireworks party starting in my brains. I think i’m about to faint.
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"Oh wow! Are you crying, brother?"
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"Am i? Fuck, i can’t even tell. And could that cunt stop calling me brother, already?"
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"Did you just call me a cunt?"
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"Shite, did i say that out loud?"
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"Yes. You did. And it was very rude..."
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"That too, eh? Great, it seems like my neurons are acting on their own. Better apologize. I’m sorry, love; i’m higher than i have ever been."
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"Right... Blame the high. Blame whatever you wish. Blame that poor toad for all i care. I won’t sit there and let you disrespect me like that. I’m leaving; fuck you!"
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She gets up, turns around, and walks away.
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"Nooo!" i yell. "Please come back! Don’t leave me alone..."
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"Alone?" says an odd voice behind me. "What about me, human?"
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Jesus, who the hell is that? Run man. Get up and run! Oh, fuck, i can’t move! What’s happening to me? Am i paralyzed? Did that fucking toad venom paralyzed me?
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"You’re shaking, human," says the voice. "There is no need. I won’t hurt you."
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So he says. Don’t trust him.
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"Could you turn and face me when i’m talking to you?" he adds.
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"I can’t move. I think i’m paralyzed."
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"You’re not. You’re simply frozen, because you’re petrified. That’s very different. You shouldn’t be, by the way. As i said, i won’t hurt you. Just relax. Take a deep breath."
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A deep breath? Okay. Let’s. Shite, he was right. I feel way better. I feel i am able to move again. Slowly, i get up, turn around and...
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"What the fuck?!"
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"You look frightened. Have you never seen a rabbit before?"
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"Not a talking one, i haven’t!"
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"Every rabbit is a talking one. This is simply the first time you actually hear what one says. You got lucky, i must add; not all of us are as interesting as i am."
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I met it five seconds ago and it is already bragging. This rabbit probably is a prick. Wait, what am i saying? Am i really talking to a rabbit? No. No… Can’t be. It makes no sense. I’m high: this must be a hallucination. Only one way to find out.
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"Hey! Why did you just try and hit me?"
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Damn! Quick fucker.
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"Because you’re not real!"
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"What is?"
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What is? Does this rabbit think it is some kind of a philosopher or something?
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"Follow me," it says.
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Here we go. A talking rabbit – a white rabbit – i’m supposed to follow... Classic L. Carroll shite. I got my answer: this is most definitely a hallucination. Fuck it; let’s play along.
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"Let me guess: you’re late?”
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"I am never late. I can follow a tempo. Although i sometimes choose not to."
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"What?!"
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"Just shut up and follow me."
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I shouldn’t, should i? Shite, it’s leaving. Ah, fuck it, let’s. I’m lost anyway.
*
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Jesus, i’m exhausted! It feels like we’ve been walking for hours; without a single break. I can’t catch my breath. Wait, what is this?
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"I’m not going in there," i say. "That forest looks like Fangorn..."
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"Fangorn?" it asks.
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"A fictional forest, with talking trees. Sort of."
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"Every tree is a talking tree. Open your mind, human. Now come."
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We enter the forest. Everything looks the same, yet the rabbit seems to know exactly what way to go.
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"Is there some kind of hidden path i can’t see?"
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"There is no path. Ever. Never."
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Again with the fortune cookie philosophy...
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"Are we almost there? I’m tired."
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"Yes. Can you see the blue light, over there? That’s our destination."
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Finally. A few seconds and i’ll be able to rest.
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"Here we are, human."
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Strange place. We’re still in the woods, but there are no trees in here. There are, however, several animals: a crow, an owl, a sloth and even a fucking bear! are gathered around some sort of a stone circle. The rabbit joins them. Were they waiting for it? In the middle of the circle stands a well spreading a soothing blue light all around. All of them are looking at it, ignoring me completely.
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I’m torn. All my instincts tell me to run away, but i really want to see what’s in that well. Problem is, to do so i need to pass these animals. And even though they do not look harmful, no way in hell i’m taking that chance... I’ll leave the bear fighting to awards-craving ecofreaks.
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"Well?" asks the crow.
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Great, the crow can talk too... Can all of them?
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"Well?" it repeats.
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Is it talking to me?
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"Yes, human, i am".
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"Ah! Jesus! Can you hear my thoughts?!"
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"I don’t need to. You’re an open book."
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How? How did... It isn’t even looking at me!
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"I don’t need to. You’re an open book."
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"Okay, please stop now. You’re freaking me out!"
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"Introduce yourself, human. And tell us what brings you here."
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"I thought i was an open book?"
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"You are. To me. There are five of us."
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"Right. Uhm... i..."
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What am i supposed to say, exactly? That i was at a rave and wanted to shag a hot girl – that turned out to be a hippy – so i licked a fucking venomous toad and started tripping so hard i began to follow a talking rabbit, Alice’s style? That i don’t know if any of this is real? That i surely hope it isn’t?
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"Well?!" yells the bear.
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So the bear speaks too... of course it does.
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Oh, God: i’m going to die.
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"Maybe you could start with the toad you licked," says the crow.
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"You know that too?!"
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"Crow Knows," says the rabbit.
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"I got wings," the crow adds. "I use them. I watch. I see. I Know."
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The crow knows? Am i supposed to know what the fuck they mean by that? Is it some sort of A song of ice and fire reference? I haven’t read it… And i stopped mid season 5!
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"What do you know?" i ask.
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"I Know all."
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"Oh really? Well if you do, can you tell me what time it is?"
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"Time is a tricky concept," says the rabbit. "Isn’t it, Crow?"
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"For humans especially," answers the crow. "Poor humans. So closed-minded."
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"Stuck by fear," says the sloth.
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And now the fucking sloth...
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"Precisely," adds the crow. "They fear time more than anything; except death. And one can’t understand what one fears. That’s why i Know: i fear not."
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"I fear boredom," says the rabbit. "But i understand it."
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"You understand nothing, Rabbit" replies the crow. "You may Think, but you understand not. A fool, you are.
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Will they ever stop with the Yoda crap?
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"I am indeed, Crow. Sanity is boring. And i fear boredom."
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"So you said... A broken record. Nothing more."
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"Broken i am. Broken means open: where there was once one piece, there are now two, or more. Between them, a space. Or more. Which means a path. Or more. A path means a new possibility."
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"Wait," i say. "Earlier you said there was no path, ever."
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"Minds change when one thinks. And i Think, always."
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"Is it retarded?" i ask.
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"Can you tell the difference between a retarded rabbit and a sane one?" riddles the crow.
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"I guess not."
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"You guess right."
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All of the sudden, the blue light coming from the well turns green. It’s splendid, but scary as all Hell.
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"What… what is happening?" i ask, frightened.
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"Owl is happening," answers the sloth. "Which means it’s my time to shine!"
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And then the sloth starts whistling. I didn’t know sloths could whistle. But can they, really? Or am i simply still tripping hard? Of course you are; none of this is real. It can’t be. But whether this is real or not, that sound is incredibly beautiful. Shite! are those tears i feel on my cheeks? Am i crying again? What the fuck is up with that? I haven’t cried twice in a single day since i was six! Stop focusing on the music, man. Think of something else. Make them talk. Ask something; anything.
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"What did it mean by owl is happening?"
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"Owl is Shaping," says the rabbit.
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"What?!"
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"Owl is Shaping," it repeats.
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"What is the owl shaping?"
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"What do you think, human?" asks the Crow. "The world, of course. Owl Shapes the world. And Sloth spreads the word. Sloth Speaks."
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"What word?"
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"Listen and you’ll have your answer."
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I do. But i don’t get any answers. All i get is tears. Fuck, how gay am i? Wait, did the crow say that the owl shaped the world?
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"It shapes the world?"
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"He Shapes the world, yes."
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"Right. But do you mean, like, your odd little world? Or, like, the world?
"Yes," answers the Rabbit.
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"Yes is not an answer!"
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"Isn’t it?"
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"For fuck’s sake, you are retarded."
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"Again with that word," says the crow. "Rabbit may be a fool, but Rabbit learns. You do not. Typical human. Closed to any form of change."
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"Hey! I licked a toad! Seems pretty open to me."
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"Open?" asks the rabbit. "Are you broken too? Good."
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That rabbit is mental. Talk to the crow.
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"So what are you saying, crow? Is the owl God? Or at least, a God?"
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"Owl is Owl. No more, no less. Gods are a human concept," answers the crow.
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"Is it, now? Shite, i should have never licked that toad..."
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"Maybe you should have kissed a frog instead," sneers the rabbit.
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"He is no prince," says the crow.
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The light changes again. From green, it turns to red.
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"You need to leave now, human."
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"What? Why?"
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"Because of Bear. Bear is about to do what he does. Bear is about to Destroy. And if you are in his way when he does, you will die."
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"Die?!"
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"Indeed. Bear may be quiet; he remains a true beast when he needs to be. And, at this very moment: he does. Sloth said so. Leave; now."
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"Where to?"
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"Anywhere but here."
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"But..."
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"Now!"
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And then i see it. His eyes. The bear’s eyes. I can see destruction in them. The crow is right: i need to leave. Immediately. So i do. I run. I flee. What’s that sound? Is it a scream? No. It’s a roar. A fucking roar! Is the bear destroying everything already? Am i far enough? The sky changes. No more light, it seems. Thunder strikes. Then nothing.
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*
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Am i dead? No. You can’t think if you’re dead, can you? Wait, where am i? I am not in that forest. I don’t know this place. Where am i?
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"You’re in my flat."
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That voice; i know that voice.
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"Hi," says the hippy. "You’re feeling okay?"
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"You? ... What? ... Why? ... How?"
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She smiles.
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"I felt bad about leaving you alone. I mean, you deserved it, calling me a c-word and all, but still... You were tripping hard, i shouldn’t have left you alone. So i came back. But you weren’t there anymore. So i looked for you. For hours, i think. Time is a tricky thing, especially when high on toad venom. I was about to give up when i heard someone whimper in the dark forest. I walk towards the moaning, and there you were. So i carried you. You are surprisingly light."
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"I am? Well, thank you for getting me out of there. Honestly. This was the worst trip i ever experienced."
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"Was it? What happened?"
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"Uhm, let me think. It’s all blurry. Focus man... Animals! i remember animals. A rabbit, at first. I followed it; like Alice, in the tale. But i didn’t end up in Wonderland. There was a well, with a blue light. There was a circle. A stone circle. With animals around it. A bear, a sloth, an owl, and a crow. And, of course, the rabbit. They were speaking to me. Well, some of them."
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"Wow. That sounds incredible! Funny you mentioned an owl though."
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"Why?"
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"Because when we arrived here, there was an owl standing next to the window. And it still is, look."
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I do. What the fuck?! That owl, it’s it! It’s the same owl! How is that possible?
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"Anyway. You should rest. I’ll leave you be."
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She gets up.
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"Or… you could join me in the shower, if you like."
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She winks at me and leaves the room. The owl turns its head and stares at me. What do i do?
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