Rose par la violette rose

A cave. On the right, LOUSEE (pronounced like ‘lousy’; 15), a wizard of some sort, rummages through two large chests. In the middle, ROSE (17), a young girl, sitting in a large cauldron with water up to her shoulders.

After a moment.

ROSE Can I talk now?
LOUSEE No. I am focusing on something here.
ROSE I know, but you’ve been at this for well over twenty minutes now. Whatever you’re looking for, it’s not there.
LOUSEE Silence!
ROSE Yea. But I’m getting a bit bored here, see?

Lousee doesn’t reply.

ROSE Do you want some help?
LOUSEE (scoffing) From a pagan? I don’t think so.
ROSE I told you. I didn’t go to church today because I was feeling under the weather.
LOUSEE Under the weather and yet chasing chickens down the street, ha?
ROSE Well. When I’m at church., I need to focus to pray. Don’t need no brain to chase chickens, do you?
LOUSEE And what would your God think of you spending His time on a chicken chase?
ROSE God couldn’t see me, He was at church, remember?

Lousee grumbles.

ROSE Might as well make the best of it, is all I say. (A revelation) Say, you weren’t at church either since that’s when you kidnapped me. Who’s the pagan now, Judgy McJudgment?
LOUSEE (turns to her) Look at me. I’m a wizard. Of course that I don’t go to church. I don’t believe in your deities.

He resumes his work.

ROSE You look pretty young for a wizard. Where’s your white beard and stick?
LOUSEE I’ve got magic powers, why would I make myself look like a craggy old man? (He mumbles to himself) Had to get myself the village’s idiot…
ROSE What’s that?
LOUSEE Nothing. Stop talking now. You’ll spoil the broth.

Rose looks down at the water. Beat.

ROSE You know that I never wash these clothes? Your broth’s been spoiled the moment you put me in it. Good luck trying to eat me.
LOUSEE Eat you? Ha, you pagans are a laugh!
ROSE Not a pagan!
LOUSEE To me you are.
ROSE So you say.
LOUSEE Do you believe in the spirits of the forest that roam the eternal night feeding on the essence of its visitors?… Do you?

Rose doesn’t reply.

LOUSEE That’s what I thought. You’re a pagan. Case closed.

Pause.

ROSE Can you teach me your… religion?

Lousee turns to her in excitement.

LOUSEE Would you like me to?!
ROSE Sure. I… I’d love to.
LOUSEE That’s wonderful! How convenient it is that my human sacrifice wants me to share my knowledge with them which is definitely not an excuse to get away from their sacrifice duty.

Lousee gives Rose an ironic look. Rose blows raspberries at him.

Lousee returns to his foraging.

LOUSEE (to himself) Where is it?
ROSE Looking for your recipe book?
LOUSEE As a matter of fact, I am.
ROSE So you are going to cook me?!
LOUSEE I never said I wouldn’t cook you. I said I wouldn’t eat you.
ROSE Difference is?
LOUSEE I’m extracting you essence. Once I get it, I’ll throw the rest away.
ROSE So much waste…
LOUSEE You said it yourself, you’re dirty.
ROSE That was to get myself away from being eaten alive.
LOUSEE You don’t say. (To himself, losing patience) There’s nothing close to a book in this thing. Where did he put it?
ROSE If you don’t find your book, can I not go home?
LOUSEE Can’t you see I’m busy right now?
ROSE Of course, I can. That’s what I’m saying, I wouldn’t want to bother you more than necessary, so I might as well go...
LOUSEE That’s not how it works.
ROSE ... You know I’ve got stuff to do too.
LOUSEE Like chasing chickens?
ROSE (sighs) Are you still on that? No. Not chasing chickens. That was just a bit of entertainment, the winter months can sometimes be a bore.
LOUSEE Uh-huh.
ROSE I still have to cook. And feed the pigs. And do the laundry... Plus, my uncle might get suspicious if he doesn’t find me when he comes home from church.
LOUSEE Good luck him finding this place.

Beat.

ROSE It’s the cave by the river. It’s easy, there’s only one place to hide around here. I used to come here to play when I was younger.
LOUSEE (caught off guard) Once I get my hand on the spell book, there won’t be much of you left to find anyway.
ROSE Very classy.

Beat.

LOUSEE Why do you live with your uncle? Don’t you have parents?
ROSE (excited) Oh! Are we bonding now?
LOUSEE Forget I said anything.
ROSE Never knew my mum. Probably died when I was still a baby. Then my dad got killed by a wild boar when I was five.
LOUSEE That’s sad.
ROSE Well, he was heavily inebriated at the time. And the cliff did most of the work, the boar just gave him little push.
LOUSEE So you’re an orphan? Not much to live for then, I guess.
ROSE My uncle?
LOUSEE Is he?
ROSE No. Not really. He’s a lousy drunkard like my dad was. And if he is philandering as much as my dad used to, he’s probably got many more children around the village. I doubt he’d care if one of them suddenly disappeared. One less mouth to feed…

Sad beat.

LOUSEE You might be happy to know that, contrary to your family’s opinion, your life has value here. You’d be helping me quench the forest gods’ thirst for… well, essence of… certain things.
ROSE (beat) If you find your recipe book.
LOUSEE (to himself) IF I FIND THAT BLOODY BOOK!!

He throws the entire content of one of the chests onto the floor. It’s just clothes, toys, and other bits and bobs.

ROSE Where did you last put it?
LOUSEE You want to help me?
ROSE I’m bored, and I can’t go anywhere. Might as well.
LOUSEE (considers, then) It’s my brother’s, actually. He’s usually the one making the potion. I’m only getting the stuff he needs for it… But I never find what he wants, so he always does it without me.
ROSE You’ve never done this before, is that what you’re saying?

Lousee shakes his head.

ROSE Are you even sure that you need me in that cauldron?

Lousee stares at her, guilty.

ROSE Oh for Christ’s sake! (Catching herself, lifting her head up) Sorry, my Lord in heaven… (She trails off mumbling)

LOUSEE I’m sure that’s how it’s supposed to work. Don’t worry.
ROSE ‘Don’t worry’? I’ve been sitting in this broth for like half an hour now! I’m sure I’m getting myself a cold as we speak. I’ll have to miss church again tomorrow, and my uncle is going to get suspicious, and think I’m a pagan, and he might throw me out of the house for this. I may not like him very much, but he’s the only family I’ve got!
LOUSEE You know it’s very likely you’re not getting out of this cave alive?

This thought daunts on Rose. She doesn’t say anything.

Lousee returns, guiltily, to going through the chest’s contents.

Long silence.

Lousee stops his searching. He stands up and turns to Rose. She is not looking at him anymore.

Beat.

LOUSEE (acting casual) So. I can’t find my brother’s book of spells. And I’ve decided to go out and get him. I still need to keep you here, but I suppose it’s no good for you to get a cold, as it’ll likely ruin your essence.

Beat. Rose looks up at him.

LOUSEE I’m getting you out of this cauldron, and I’ll chain you up somewhere… (He looks around, stops at the cauldron’s handle) Here!
ROSE The cauldron? Again?
LOUSEE You’ll be outside of it.

Rose stares at him in response.

LOUSEE All I need is to get a chain from outside.

Lousee goes left.

When his brother, DODGEE (19), enters from left, with SLUTTY MARY (18) at his arm.

Lousee and Dodgee come face to face.

Beat.

DODGEE Lousee? What are you doing here?
LOUSEE Oh, you’re back! I was about to- I’m preparing the potion.
DODGEE What potion? I asked you to get… uh…
LOUSEE Roses?
DODGEE That’s it!
ROSE (aside) In winter?… (Realising) Oh!
LOUSEE Exactly. To extract their essence. For the potion.

Dodgee sees Rose in the cauldron.

DODGEE (To Lousee) Who’s that?
ROSE Hi, I’m Rose. I’d shake your hand, but… (She lifts her tied up hands out of the water)

Dodgee gets it. He looks at Lousee, disappointed.

Awkward silence.

SLUTTY MARY (realising) Oooh! Rose!

Everyone turns to Slutty Mary.

LOUSEE (to Dodgee) Who’s she?
SLUTTY MARY (extending her hand) I’m Slutty Mary. Please to meet you.
DODGEE (embarrassed) That’s not her real name. Her name’s Mary. Just, Mary.
SLUTTY MARY (to Lousee) You can call me Slutty.

Lousee shakes Slutty Mary’s hand, confused.

LOUSEE (to Dodgee) So… Who is she?
SLUTTY MARY I’m Slutty.
LOUSEE Yes. No. I got that-
SLUTTY MARY (sincere) Sorry, I thought you didn’t hear me the first time.
LOUSEE Uh-huh. And why are you here… Slutty?
DODGEE She… is a friend.
SLUTTY MARY A slutty friend.
DODGEE (turns to Slutty Mary, losing it) Please! Just... stop. (Beat) Can you wait for me outside?
SLUTTY MARY (leaving) Sure. But don’t you start the party without me, all right?
LOUSEE (to Dodgee) Party?
DODGEE It’s nothing. Don’t listen to her, she’s completely deranged. I didn’t expect to see you home so soon.
LOUSEE (to Dodgee) I got what we needed this time, so I thought I’d start the potion before you arrived. But then I couldn’t find your book of spells-
DODGEE My what? Oh, right. It’s because… I don’t have one. Actually, I did. But it burned. In a house. A house that was burning. But I memorized all the potions in my head, so it’s fine. That’s why I’m the one taking care of potion duty.

Lousee looks confused.

Beat.

ROSE That story is a bit dodgy, if you ask me.
LOUSEE That’s my brother, Dodgee.
ROSE Are those your real names?
LOUSEE Yes!
DODGEE Uh...
LOUSEE They are! (Turns to Dodgee for approval; Beat) Aren’t they?

Dodgee doesn’t reply.

ROSE They do sound a bit weird.
LOUSEE We’re wizards! These are perfectly normal wizard names.

Pause. Rose realises.

ROSE (to Dodgee) Seriously, ‘wizards’?
DODGEE (heavy sigh) That’s the first idea that came to my mind. I didn’t know how to explain the truth to him.
LOUSEE What truth?
DODGEE We’re not wizards.
LOUSEE (shrieks) WHAT?!
DODGEE And there are no gods of the forest. I just sent you on wild goose chases so that I could get the cave to myself once in a while to have… female friends over.
LOUSEE (pleading) Dodgee…
DODGEE And my name’s not Dodgee, it’s ‘Douglas’. And you’re Louis, not ‘Lousee’. I thought the names would sound more wizard-y.
Our father was a drunkard and promiscuous man…
ROSE (aside) Sounds familiar…
DODGEE …… and he was never around. One day he disappeared, never to be seen again. Our mum had already died of heartache a few years before. Right after you were born. Probably after discovering Dad’s other lives…
I had to take up the responsibility of raising you myself. But I couldn’t bear the look our neighbours gave us because of our father’s terrible reputation. So I got us in this cave, and looked after you… The wizard story also helped with keeping people out of the cave, I must say.

Lousee looks away.

ROSE Do you know what happened to your father?
DODGEE Not sure. He went into the forest one day, drunk obviously, and then he was gone. Must have been killed by a wild animal, or fell down a pit.
ROSE … Or off a cliff?

Lousee looks at her, she looks back at him, then at Dodgee. They all understand.

Sad pause. They all look away from each other.

ROSE So? Now that we’re all good about not cooking me, can you get me out of this, please?
DODGEE Oh, sure.

Dodgee helps Rose out of the cauldron, and unties her.

ROSE If you want, I can come visit you sometimes.
DODGEE That sounds nice.
ROSE I’d offer you to come at my uncle’s place, but it’ll probably feel too familiar to you.

Rose looks at Lousee. He’s not looking at her.

ROSE (offering Lousee a hug) Come here, little brother. It’s going to be all right.
LOUSEE (looks up at her) No. You’re all wet!

Rose hugs him anyway.

ROSE (whispering in Lousee’s ear) And whose fault is that?

She lets go of Lousee.

DODGEE Guess I’d better tell Slutty Mary the ‘party’ is not happening.

Dodgee goes left to the entrance of the cave. Stops there and watches.

DODGEE And she’s already found another man to have sex with.

Lousee and Rose come next to Dodgee to see.

ROSE Yes, that’s my uncle.

Black.